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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22655290">The forming of the delinquents</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/L0uwe5y/pseuds/L0uwe5y'>L0uwe5y</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Breathe [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The 100 (TV), The 100 (TV) RPF, The 100 Series - Kass Morgan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, College AU, F/F, Football Player Lexa (The 100), Inspired by Music, Music AU, Musician Clarke Griffin, Pining, Slow Burn, confused and abused Lexa, sport au</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 14:40:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,886</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22655290</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/L0uwe5y/pseuds/L0uwe5y</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke Griffin moves away from her controlling mother and ends up renting a room from Lexa. She finds her voice again through music to say the things she wishes she could say.</p><p> </p><p>This will be a slow burn and sometimes you want to shake Lexa for being stupid and push Clarke to speak from her heart.</p><p>ON HOLD UNTIL I FIND INSPIRATION AGAIN</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Minor Finn/Clarke - Relationship, Minor costia/lexa - Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Breathe [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1629781</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>167</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Make your own kind of music</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So just as a disclaimer I don't own the lyrics to any of the songs in this fic. This is a work of fiction inspired by music and awesome song lyrics from some great artists.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Clarke scrambled across her new campus trying to get to her first class of the day. All of her fellow students had been attending classes for the past week while she tried to sort out the last remnants of a former life. This was her new start. She had just transferred from NYU to Polis University and she couldn’t be happier to be out from under her mother's thumb.</p><p>Polis University was the furthest university away from Arkadia that accepted her transfer and a switch of majors. She was going to pursue her passion and graduate with an arts degree instead of following in her mother's footsteps and becoming a Doctor. This was her life and she was finally going to take back control.</p><p>Her first class went well and she had a few hours to kill before her second one of the day, so she decided to head to the gym. A hobby she had picked up in the summer, when she was trying to wrap her head around some things. Now she wanted to run to try and clear her mind once more and come up with a game plan.</p><p>She basically got into her car as soon as Polis accepted her transfer and didn’t even have a place to live. She blasted the radio in her dad’s old ‘67 Mustang and got lost in happy memories shared with him before he went away. She would do anything in her power to get him back, but her mother made damn sure that that would never happen. Now all she had left of her father were memories. </p><p>After her run she took a quick shower before leaving her school’s gym to get to her next class. On her way out the door, her eye caught sight of an ad on the bulletin board. </p><p>---Roommate wanted 30 minute walk to campus $600 a month--- </p><p>Clarke grabbed the flyer and ran out the door, wanting to get to her next class early. She laid out all of her books in front of her then pulled out the advertisement and quickly texted the number on the flyer. She prayed to every god throughout her lecture that the place wasn’t taken. It was in her price range, she just hoped it wasn’t some creepy guy. Only time would tell.</p><p>She stayed late after class to talk to her professor before taking off to find some place to eat. After her run today and her two classes she was starving and would eat just about anything. She piled into her car full of all the things she couldn’t part with and drove away from campus looking for a place that would catch her eye. </p><p>About a five minute drive from campus she found a bar called the Dropship. What really drew her into this place was the fact that they advertised an open mic night. She hadn’t picked up her guitar since starting college and it had been calling to her lately. She grabbed the dusty acoustic guitar from her trunk and headed into the bar. </p><p>When she opened the door and stepped in it reminded her of the bars she would frequent with her friends Jasper and Monty. It was perfect and she felt right at home. She took a seat in a booth that had a good view of the stage and placed her guitar on the seat opposite her. It was only a few minutes later that a waitress came by with a menu.</p><p>“Hey I’m Octavia, need a menu?” The petite brunette waitress asked. </p><p>“Love one. I’m starving. Do you know who runs the open mic night?” Clarke asked.</p><p>“That would be my brother brother Bellamy.” Octavia told her pointing to the man behind the bar with shaggy brown hair. “What do you play?”</p><p>“I started out with the piano and eventually branched out from there. Now I just have my guitar with me. I just moved here, and thought this would be a great place to kill some time.”</p><p>“Cool. I play the drums maybe sometime we can have a jam night.”</p><p>“You might take that back after hearing me play.” Clarke chuckled. “I think if I am going to make it up on that stage I am going to need some liquid courage. How about a beer, and I will take whatever you recommend from the menu.”</p><p>“Done, but I have a feeling you won’t disappoint,” Octavia said before running off to place her food and drink order. </p><p>Well that was truly a positive experience for her. The last time she really had one of those was with her dad. Maybe just maybe she knew the right song to sing now. When her beer came she drank nearly half of it in one sip. She only stopped because of the ringing of her phone. Taking it out of her purse she noticed that her potential roommate had texted her back and told she was free to come by after 8. </p><p>That left her with about an hour here at the bar, and she was determined to play. If not for her then for her father, and maybe somewhere out there he was thinking of her as well. When her food came she quickly scarfed it down, not quite realizing how truly starving she was. After satisfying her stomach she finished the last of her beer to help calm her nerves before approaching the one Octavia called Bellamy.</p><p>“I was wondering when you were going to come and see me,” the shaggy haired man said putting down the glass he was cleaning.</p><p>“Well here I am. I can only play one song though and I have to get going. I have to go look at an apartment so I don’t have to live in my car.”</p><p>“Shit. Well if that place doesn’t work out, we live above the bar. If you ever need a place to crash,” Bellamy offered. </p><p>“That’s very sweet of you to offer but you barely know me.”</p><p>“Octavia already likes you, and she doesn’t make friends easily. So the offer still stands if this new place doesn’t work out for you.”</p><p>“Thanks Bellamy,” Clarke said truly smiling for the first time in weeks. </p><p>“Well get up there kid. You got places to be,” Bellamy said gesturing to the stage before picking up another glass to polish.</p><p>Clarke picked her guitar back up and started to make her way to the stage. Her nerves started to build but she was going to do this. She was determined and she was starting over. Her father should be part of her new start, but what better way to honor him than through song. She pulled her guitar out of her case and started to strum it before giving it a little tune and giving a slight nod to Bellamy.</p><p>“Ladies and Gentlemen give a big round of applause for Clarke. Kid just moved here and stopped in for a pint and to play us something before even finding a place to live. Cheers to Clarke,” Bellamy hollered through the mic and before raising a glass and taking a sip from his beer. Clarke looked around and it seemed all the patrons cheered and did the same. She knew right then and there that this was a place she could get used to. </p><p>“Please excuse me if I am a little rusty. Moved out here on a whim wanting to make it on my own. My father is no longer with me and he was the one who always encouraged me to follow my own path, so I am dedicating this song to him. It is a song very dear to me and I hope you all enjoy it,” Clarke said adjusting the mic so it was at her level before playing the first few cords.</p><p>Clarke closed her eyes and the crowd when silent as she started to play, so much so that she could hear a little gasp from the side of the stage from where Octavia was situated when she started to belt out the words.</p><p>Nobody can tell ya;<br/>There's only one song worth singin',<br/>They may try and sell ya,<br/>'Cause it hangs them up to see someone like you.<br/>But you've gotta make your own music<br/>Sing your own special song,<br/>Make your own kind of music even if nobody else sings along.<br/>You're gonna be knowing<br/>The loneliest kind of lonely,<br/>It may be rough goin',<br/>Just to do your thing's the hardest thing to do.<br/>But you've gotta make your own music<br/>Sing your own special song,<br/>Make your own kind of music even if nobody else sings along.<br/>So if you cannot take my hand,<br/>And if you must be goin',<br/>I will understand.<br/>But you've gotta make your own music<br/>Sing your own special song,<br/>Make your own kind of music even if nobody else sings along.</p><p>When Clarke stopped playing everyone in the bar got up and cheered. “Thank you, thank you. The song means quite a bit to me and it makes me so happy that you all enjoyed it. My dad always sang it to me like a little piece of advice. Thinking back I am not sure he meant it quite literally.” Clarke said, making the whole crowd laugh. “You guys have been great but sadly I have to go, and can’t wait to be back here again.” She said before packing her guitar up and getting off stage.</p><p>As she descended the steps she didn’t expect to see Octavia and Bellamy waiting for her. Smiles plastered all over their faces. “That was amazing,” Octavia squealed giving her a big hug. </p><p>“That’s going to be a tough act to follow. You killed it Clarke. You have the voice of an angel,” Bellamy said.</p><p>“We have to get together and play sometime. I am not taking no for an answer,” said Octavia giving her a piece of paper with her number on it.</p><p>“Sounds good to me,” Clarke said giving her thanks to the Blake siblings and promising them that she would text them after she saw the apartment to let them know how it went. </p><p>She started up the classic car and smiled when the engine purred to life. She hoped that this person she was meeting wouldn't be a creep or anything of the sort. She really didn’t want to sleep in her car, or impose upon the new friends she had made. She double checked the address twice before parking the car outside of a two story house. She wondered how many other people lived here. The ad didn’t say and she didn’t want to be living in some kind of frat house. </p><p>Clarke walked up the rest of the drive and rang the doorbell. “One minute,” a woman’s voice called and Clarke could hear her run down the stairs to answer the door. When it opened Clarke was struck by the most mesmerizing green eyes she had ever seen. “Hey,” Lexa said before scrunching up her nose giving her a weird look.</p><p>“Hi, i’m Clarke,” she said, sticking out her hand.</p><p>“I know. You just ummm weren’t what I expected,” Lexa said.</p><p>“And who was it you were expecting,” Clarke teased seeing the flustered brunette trying to pull herself together. </p><p>“Honestly,” Lexa sighed running her hand through her hair. “Some meat head called Clarke, sorry for assuming you were a man. I only put those flyers up outside the gym and the locker room. I am Lexa Woods.” She stated like it was supposed to mean something to her.</p><p>“Clarke Griffin. Not a meat head but I do like to exercise. Sorry I am not who you were expecting.”</p><p>“That’s more than alright I really wasn’t expecting any replies so soon. I just posted the ad. Come in,” Lexa said holding the door open for her and inviting her into her home.</p><p>“You live here by yourself?” Clarke asked the question she was dying to know.</p><p>“Yes. I know it seems like a lot, but I bought the place last year expecting to live here with someone. It didn’t work out needless to say.”</p><p>“Wow you bought this,” Clarke blurted out without thinking. The place was huge and for someone to live here by themselves and buy it they must come from some kind of money.  </p><p>“Yes I did. I am in my last year at the university and had some money come in over the summer so I bought it. Figured it was a sound investment. Now that my other room mate fell through this place is kind of big and I was getting rather lonely so I posted the ad. If you think $600 is too much, just tell me. I only asked for that to help with the utilities, internet and such. Come on, let me give you the grand tour,” Lexa said, showing off a bright smile.</p><p>There was something in her eyes though that Clarke could read all too well. Hurt. Someone had hurt this beautiful woman and left her alone to pick up the pieces. Right away Clarke felt drawn to her. Not only was Lexa beautiful, but she was also broken. Like her. </p><p>Lexa showed her around the place and told Clarke she could have the pick of the spare bedrooms as there were 2 up on the top floor. Lexa’s room was the master bedroom which was located on the main floor of the house. She already knew which bedroom she wanted. There was one with an ensuite and a soaker tub which she planned to make use of. Especially after seeing that Lexa wasn’t just some juice head.</p><p>“So what do you think?” Lexa asked. “I know I have my office up there but if you want that room you can have it and I will move it into another room. What are you majoring in anyway,” Lexa asked.</p><p>“I just got in the art program here. I was going to Arkadia before that in hopes to follow my mother's footsteps and become a Doctor. I wanted a fresh start and to choose my own path so here I am.” Clarke said kindly leaving out the fact that her mother was really no longer a Doctor but in fact a Governor, and her now husband Marcus Kane a Senator. There was no way in hell she wanted a career in politics. Especially after seeing what it did to her parents. </p><p>“That’s awesome. Way to follow your own path. I am trying to do the same,” Lexa admitted. “So the room… Are you interested? Because if you are it’s yours?”</p><p>“Seriously,” Clarke said wide eyed.</p><p>“Seriously. Just don’t throw any ragers and we should be good. Also you can park your car in the garage. There is room for two in there and my jeep is getting kind of lonely. Need any help with your stuff?” Lexa asked her.</p><p>“Yes. Oh my god yes. I am so excited. You had no idea how nervous I was before coming here. I thought you would be a juice head for sure, and quite possibly even a serial killer luring me in to be his next victim.”</p><p>“Nothing of the sort. I am just pretty athletic and stick to myself.”</p><p>“Good thing you’re athletic. Some of my stuff is pretty heavy. You probably don’t need to go to the gym for a week if you help me move it,” Clarke teased before shamefully checking out her roommates body and wow was Lexa ever ripped.</p><p>As Lexa continued to help her move boxes into her room they went through casual conversation. The usual where you are from etc. Clarke kept most of her answers vague and she noticed that Lexa did the same. She also took note of the way her muscles rippled in her shirt, and how chiseled her abs were when she lifted her shirt up to wipe the sweat off her brow. </p><p>God, this woman was a chiseled greek god, who was also her room mate and had the most gorgeous green eyes. She had to remind herself not to stare too much as Lexa continued to help her unpack her stuff and get settled in. Points for chivalry to the hot brunette lugging her stuff around as she sorted through her clothes and hung things up. “I think I am going to head to bed. Can I treat you to breakfast before class tomorrow?” Clarke asked.</p><p>“I have a very strict routine that I don’t like to break. I can have breakfast with you, but I will cook and you will just have to eat what I make you. See you at 8 Clarke,” Lexa said before leaving the room.</p><p>Damn the girl could cook too. Shit she could already tell that it was going to be hard not to fall for her new roommate. That night she found it hard to sleep, her thoughts kept straying to the beautiful brunette with green eyes that seemed to haunt her. So she took out her sketchbook and started to draw an image of Lexa, and fell asleep with her pencil in her hand.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. There she goes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Clarke is feeling more creative and someone from Lexa's past returns.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>There She Goes- Sixpence None the Richer</p><p>If you have seen the movies She's All That, you have probably heard there song kiss me.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 2</p><p>Clarke woke up the next morning to the smell of eggs. She rolled over and checked the time and realized that it was 8:30. “Shit,” she cursed not wanting to make a bad impression on her new roommate. She quickly ran down the stairs to the kitchen not wanting Lexa to think that she didn’t care about their plans.</p><p>“Good morning,” Clarke called when she entered the kitchen.</p><p>Lexa was just scooping an omelet onto a plate when she looked up at her to say good morning. Clarke watched as Lexa stared at her with her mouth open, and then how her wrist went slack and she dropped the omelet on the floor. “Damn it,” the brunette cursed.</p><p>It was only then that Clarke realized that she didn’t think about her outfit. She was in her thong and a thin white shirt that even when she looked down she could see her nipples. Clarke quickly ran back the way she came from and back into her room. She dug through her suitcase until she found a pair of sweats and put on a bra and changed her shirt before heading back down stairs. She was embarrassed beyond belief. </p><p>“Sorry about that,” Clarke said. “I just looked at the time and realized I overslept. I haven’t slept that well in months.”</p><p>“Well that was one way to say good morning,” Lexa said and Clarke noticed how her ears were bright red. Lexa coughed before speaking again. “If you don’t mind… In the future, could you please wear some more clothes.”</p><p>“Once again. I am so sorry. It will never happen again.”</p><p>“Let’s just pretend it never happened. I hope you like an eggwhite omelet. I kinda have to watch what I eat,” Lexa said gesturing for her to take a seat.</p><p>“Honestly there isn’t a food that I have tried that I haven’t liked. So why do you have to watch what you eat? It doesn’t look like you need to be on a diet.”</p><p>“I play on the school football team. I need to stay in shape and my diet is part of that. This is my favourite breakfast food so I hope that you enjoy it.”</p><p>Clarke grabbed the knife and fork that Lexa had set out for her and started to eat. She couldn’t help but moan when she tasted the first bite. Lexa really did seem to know how to cook. “This is amazing. Thank you so much Lexa.”</p><p>“Glad you like it Clarke,” Lexa said. “There is coffee in the pot if you want some. I usually prepare it at night and set a timer for it to go off in the morning. Orange juice is in the fridge. If you finish something please replace it. That’s all that I ask.”</p><p>That was such a small ask. Lexa had been so kind to her in the mere hours she has stayed in her house. Everyone here in Polis was super friendly and she felt like she had made the right choice. She didn’t have class until the afternoon so she had time to unpack some more and look for a job. Maybe she could message Bellamy and see if he needed some help at the bar. It was her kind of scene, and she could hopefully work with the one friend she made so far.</p><p>“Done. Ummm one thing. Do you mind if I pay you rent in cash?” Clarke asked knowing full well that her mother had access to her trust fund. </p><p>“I don’t mind, but can I ask why?”</p><p>“Can I ask why you bought this big house?”</p><p>“That’s a long story…. Sure you got the time?” Lexa asked and Clarke was surprised that she was willing to open up a bit considering last night she seemed to be very vague. </p><p>“I don’t have class until 1… So you tell me why you bought the house, and I will tell you why I want to pay rent in cash.”</p><p>“Deal.”</p><p>So Clarke listened to Lexa talk about her past. How she fell in love in highschool with a girl a year older than her. How she followed her to university and bought a house for them to live in together for her last year, while Costia worked on her modeling career. But her career took off and Costia left her and how Lexa wasn’t sure what to do. How she wanted to grow and build memories with Costia in their home. Then how she spent a month living here alone before putting out an ad for a roommate so her house didn’t feel so empty.</p><p>Clarke then told her about her parents. Well, actually her mother and step father. She left out who they were politically and prayed that Lexa didn’t ask anymore questions. But she did tell Lexa about her father and how he wanted her to be happy. So she picked up her stuff and left choosing her own path rather than one set out for her. She also told her that she didn’t want to pay her from her trust because then her mother would know where she was.</p><p>She was so happy that Lexa accepted her and what had gone on in her life. She helped clean up while Lexa got ready for class and then put away some of her things. She set up her guitar in the corner along with her easel and some of her art supplies. She packed away clothes and was tempted to put a note on the door to remind her to get dressed before leaving the room. She knew she would never make the same mistake again but she had to admit she did enjoy Lexa’s reaction.</p><p>It had been a few years since she had been with anyone. Most people were scared off by her mother and step father, and others she just was never that interested in or attracted to. Lexa was nice enough to accept her and give her a place to live, so having a crush on her would be a bad idea but she had to admit the girl was attractive. </p><p>She quickly walked to campus after getting her room more organized. She still didn’t look for a job but she did text back and forth with Octavia and asked if her brother needed any help behind the bar. She made plans to show up there after her classes to talk to Bellamy. Octavia already said she would put in a good word for her so she felt positive about that. The only thing was that she had never had to work a day in her life. </p><p>Her mother and father made more than enough money that they lived a lavish lifestyle, and when her mother married Marcus nothing changed. She never had to get a job like some of her friends because her parents gave her a hefty allowance and her grandparents left her a trust fund, though her mother had full control over it. Now for the first time she had to make it on her own and she was more determined than ever. If she could never see her mother again she would.</p><p>In between her classes she decided to sit in the quad and sketch. She had a piece due in a week and she wanted to flip through her sketchbook and see if she could find something she could use or find some new inspiration. She was moving her pencil across the page when she heard the most beautiful laugh. When she raised her head there was none other than Lexa Woods walking in her lettermen with people in similar ware.</p><p>Clarke tried to look away but it was too late. Lexa saw her, “Clarke. Fancy seeing you here.”</p><p>“Lexa,” Clarke said before going back to drawing thinking that Lexa would move along with her friends. </p><p>“What are you doing Saturday night?”</p><p>“Well since I just moved here and know all of 3 people, so probably homework.”</p><p>“You should come to the homecoming game. It’s always a fun time and you can come to the after party. I can introduce you to a few people, help you make some more friends.”</p><p>Was Lexa pitying her? Or was she just trying to be nice. Either way she couldn’t deny that she wanted to spend more time with her. “Sure that sounds nice.”</p><p>“Cool. See you back at home,” Lexa said.</p><p>“Woods. You move on fast. Hurry up or we will be late to class,” called one of her teammates.</p><p>“I gotta go,” Lexa said excusing herself again and Clarke just waved goodbye shyly watched her go.</p><p>Clarke went to visit Bellamy after her classes and she told him that she needed to find a job but had no experience. She didn’t know what she did to have the Blakes be so kind to her after they just met but he gave her a job and told her that he would train her. That night at home she looked up how to make some popular drinks and did some of her homework. She heard Lexa come home late but didn’t think anything of it.</p><p>The rest of her week went well and she spent as much time outside drawing as she possibly could. She had some ideas of what she wanted to do for her project and she just went with it when she got home. She let her brush fly across the canvas as she mixed colors to make the perfect piece to hand in. It felt great to be doing this instead of studying anatomy. </p><p>She hadn’t really seen Lexa since she asked her to come to the homecoming game. Well that was a lie. She had seen her. She had watched her walk across the quad with her friends from the safety of the little nook she had made her own. There was something about the woman that she was completely drawn to. At this rate she would have a complete sketch book dedicated to Lexa Woods by Christmas. It was bad enough she started to write some music again and a song about the brunette was piecing itself together. </p><p>It was Friday and after class she was set to start her first shift working for Bellamy at the Dropship. She was excited and scared all at once. Lexa had been no help because she refused to drink  leading up to a big game. She respected the athlete but wished she could practice some of the things that she learned. Lexa did promise if she came to the after party that she would drink all the drinks she could make her.</p><p>Clarke was tempted because she would love to see the brunette let loose. She wanted to see what she was like when she wasn’t serious all the time. It might be too much for her though. She already had to stop herself from staring longingly at Lexa. She knew she had it bad and doing anything with Lexa would be a bad idea, she just couldn’t help but think about how the brunette would look beneath her losing all control. </p><p>Her first shift at the Dropship went well. She had trailed Octavia and Bellamy taught her to make a few more cocktails, but all in all the Dropship was a place to grab a beer and a burger. Bellamy had praised her for taking initiative though and that made her feel good. This was her first job and she really wanted to make an impression. She needed the job in order to pay rent and she was lucky that Bellamy was willing to work around her schedule.</p><p>During her shift she told Octavia about being invited to the game by Lexa and how she was invited to the after party as well. Clarke didn’t want to go alone so she immediately invited the brunette knowing that Lexa wouldn’t have a problem with one of her friends going with her. The more time she spent with Octavia the closer they got. She felt a deep connection with the dark haired girl and enjoyed all the time they spent together. </p><p>Since she got home late she never saw Lexa and by the time she woke up the brunette was gone. She assumed that Lexa had some sort of pre-game ritual like most serious athletes and she knew she would see her at the game. She immediately messaged Octavia that she was up and invited her to come back and get ready at her place. </p><p>Lost in thought about how the party would go, Clarke jumped up upon hearing, “Hello. You must be Clarke.”  She wrapped her housecoat firmly around her body, and as she turned she noticed the suitcases by the front door.</p><p>“I am, and who are you?” Clarke asked, turning towards the stranger. She was beautiful. Tall, red hair, and perfect curves.</p><p>“I’m Costia,” the woman said making no effort to shake her hand. “I thought you were a man when Lexa first told me she got a roommate named Clarke. Since you are clearly not… Let me make one thing clear. Lexa is mine, and will always be mine no matter if I am here or not.”</p><p>Feeling brave and pissed off at the audacity of this woman, and knowing this was the woman who hurt Lexa,  Clarke spoke with venom in her voice. “Funny, Lexa barely mentioned you. Though she did mention an ex of hers… I didn’t think she was a complete bitch. I just thought she was completely heartless to leave someone who so clearly loved her.”</p><p>“Loves… Lexa loves me, and she won’t stop. She doesn’t know how to not love me. You might want to make yourself scarce this weekend. I plan on keeping her up all night,” Costia said before leaving the kitchen.</p><p>Ohh she was livid, and this devil woman was a bitch. Even if she couldn’t have Lexa, this woman was so unworthy of her love and devotion. Clarke wanted to punch something but instead pulled out a beer from the fridge and tossed it back. This was what people did in college right? she thought, trying to justify her day drinking. A few minutes later and Octavia was with her up in her room getting ready with a beer of her own.</p><p>Clarke and Octavia gossipped about Costia and Lexa. Octavia was heading into her second year of university and had heard some stories about them.  Octavia continued to fill her in on the ins and outs of the “Commanders” previous, maybe current, relationship when they were at the game as well. Lexa was amazing and she could see how people gave her that nickname. She was killing it and their team was up by 18 points. </p><p>When the game ended and the crowd started to disperse she started to look for Lexa who told her earlier in the week to find her after the game. When she found her she also found Costia… The woman had somehow fused her body to Lexa’s and they were liplocked. “Want to just head back to your place?” Clarke asked not really feeling much like partying. She also didn’t want to see Costia this weekend so she already made arrangements to stay with Octavia.</p><p>“Only if you bring your guitar and jam a bit.”</p><p>“Done,” Clarke said sighing in relief. Octavia and her walked back to her place and she quickly grabbed her guitar and her overnight bag. Octavia then drove them back to her place above the drop ship and poured her some shots.</p><p>“Seems to me you need to get drunk. You met your crush’s bitch of an ex, then saw them make out. I would need a whole bottle after that.”</p><p>“Crush?” Clarke asked, trying to act confused.</p><p>“Yes crush. It’s quite obvious with the way you look at her. Oh and there is also the way you talk about her like she can walk on water. So take the shot and play me something.”</p><p>Clarke raised her glass and took the tequila back letting it burn her throat. As Octavia was setting up another round she took out her guitar and started to tune it. “I’m going to need another one of those to play you this. I’ve been working on it a little all week.. And well…. You’ll see.”</p><p>Clarke took the second shot back and grabbed the bottle and poured herself a third that she poured down her throat. She winched and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand before she started to play. </p><p>There she goes<br/>There she goes again<br/>Racing through my brain<br/>And I just can't contain<br/>This feeling that remains</p><p>There she goes<br/>There she goes again<br/>Pulsing through my veins<br/>And I just can't contain<br/>This feeling that remains</p><p>There she goes <br/>There she goes again <br/>Racing through my brain <br/>And I just can't contain<br/>This feeling that remains</p><p>There she goes<br/>There she goes again<br/>She calls my name<br/>Pulls my train<br/>No one else could heal my pain<br/>And I just can't contain<br/>This feeling that remains</p><p>There she goes <br/>There she goes again <br/>Chasing down my lane <br/>And I just can't contain<br/>This feeling that remains</p><p>There she goes <br/>There she goes <br/>There she goes</p><p>“Damn girl. You got it bad, but that song was incredible. You have to play it at the bar sometime, maybe with some help,” Octavia said wiggling her eyebrows.</p><p>“Ughhh… Only if you swear to never tell a soul about who the song is about.”</p><p>“Cross my heart and hope to die…. But if you don’t stop with the heart eyes in her presence I won’t be the only one who knows.”</p><p>“I know. I got to work on it,” Clarke said knowing that she needed to push this attraction aside. Lexa Woods would be the death of her.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Happy valentines day. I hope you all have a great day. Thank you for all your comments, kudos, and support :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Things i'll never say</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>More Costia/ Clarke moments, and Clarke spends some time bonding with Lexa</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>First off... Costia is a bitch... I'm just really trying to stress that point here. </p><p>Song is Things I'll never say by Avril Lavigne</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 3: Things I’ll Never Say- Avril Lavigne</p><p>Clarke came home from class on Monday to drop off her stuff before work. She was hoping that Costia and Lexa wouldn’t be there but she had no such luck. The couple were together in the kitchen making dinner. “Clarke. I didn’t see you at the game on Saturday. You missed one hell of an after party,” Lexa said, turning away from the sauce she was stirring on the stove.</p><p>It was probably a mistake to look at Costia, who was glaring daggers at her, like she interrupted a magical moment between the two of them. From what Lexa told her Costia was amazing and she was truly hurt when she left. Clarke could see the look of love in Lexa’s eyes, but Costia’s eyes told another story. Like Lexa was some possession that she could choose to wear on her arm whenever it suited her.</p><p>“You played great. Octavia and I really enjoyed the game, I just wasn’t feeling well so we just skipped the party and went to her place,” Clarke lied. The true reason was that she didn’t want to see Lexa making out with that snake in sheep's clothing. </p><p>“It was such a great game, and Costia here came down to surprise me. Clarke this is Costia,” Lexa said introducing her to the woman who very rudely told her to make herself scarce that weekend.</p><p>“Oh the ex,” Clarke said not able to resist the jab.</p><p>“Well we are working on that, now aren’t we,” Costia said turning to Lexa and pulling her in for a kiss.</p><p>“Well I have to get to work,” Clarke lied before quickly escaping the couple in the kitchen.</p><p>She ran up the stairs two at a time and shut the door to her room before unpacking her stuff and grabbing a few of her books before leaving her room once more. Even though she could go back to the Blake’s she felt like she was already being a burden. Bellamy gave her a job, and she spent so much of her time with Octavia and texting her when she wasn’t with her. The library on campus would be the perfect escape for her. She would just stay until close and hopefully sneak back into the house later without the couple noticing. </p><p>“Clarke,” Lexa said, stopping her before she could open the front door.</p><p>“Yes Lexa?” she said not knowing what to expect from the brunette she was just getting to know. She just wanted to be out of the house and away from Costia and her death stare.</p><p>“Do you have time to eat before you go? I made way too much.”</p><p>“Nope sorry. I’ll eat at work,” she lied before opening up the door. “I really gotta go I’m running late,” Clarke lied once more hating herself for doing so.</p><p>“Have a good---” She slammed the door behind her not wanting to hear the words Lexa was going to say. Her kind and caring heart was making it impossible for her not to feel things for the brunette.  She wondered what Lexa even saw in Costia. Sure she was beautiful, but the brief glimpses of her personality were greatly lacking appeal.</p><p>Clarke found a vacant study room and locked herself in it. She caught up on all the work she needed to get done and even started to read ahead. There really wasn’t much else for her to do for the rest of the week so she took out her sketchbook and started to draw hoping that she would create something that she could put on canvas.</p><p>A knock on the door brought her back to reality and she put down her pencil and checked the clock. The library wasn’t supposed to close for another 2 hours. When she opened the door she was greeted by an attractive shaggy haired guy. “Hey sorry to interrupt your studying but all the other rooms are full and I was wondering if I could study in here with you,” he said with a charming smile.</p><p>“Sure,” Clarke said going back to her sketchbook.</p><p>“Thanks. I’m Finn.”</p><p>“Clarke,” she said before going back to what she was originally doing. </p><p>Finn just sat quietly and went over his work as she continued her sketch of Lexa. She captured her pose after winning the homecoming game. Her teammates lifted her into the air in praise as she punched her helmet into the sky. Her smile radiated everything she had been feeling after winning the game. It was really coming together well, and she marked it as one of the possible sketches she wanted to put on canvas for one of her classes.</p><p>Once she had hit a rut she decided to sketch the man in front of her. Trying to capture all of his features. He was quite handsome but like all men that she found attractive she knew there would be something wrong with him. She just didn’t know what it was yet. On occasion he looked up and smiled at her in between his work, but she didn’t feel the same butterflies she did as when Lexa looked at her. </p><p>That could be the problem though. Lexa was clearly unavailable and even if she was, would she want to risk their growing friendship. Maybe this was what she needed. A distraction from what she was feeling for Lexa. This Finn guy wasn’t that bad looking and she could use an excuse to get out of the house more. </p><p>“Looks like its closing time,” Finn said looking at the clock on the wall. “Thanks for letting me study here, I like the quiet and the people out there can be animals.”</p><p>“No problem,” Clarke said packing away her things.</p><p>“Maybe we can do this again sometime. Study together that is. Or maybe you can let me take you out to dinner this week to show you how appreciative I am that you let me crash your study session.”</p><p>“I’m free Wednesday. Meet me outside the library at 6?” </p><p>“See you then beautiful,” Finn said before leaving.</p><p>Clarke drove home thinking about what she would possibly wear Wednesday evening. He didn’t seem the type for a fancy restaurant so jeans and a nice blouse would probably be enough. Hopefully he would work as a nice distraction from her roommate. Lexa was a joy to spend time with and genuinely a nice person. How she fell for someone like Costia didn’t make any sense. But that’s just love she guessed. You really have no control over who you fall in love with.</p><p>She nearly jumped out of her skin when she saw someone sitting in the living room in the dark. “Lexa?” She questioned praying it was the brunette and not Costia.</p><p>“I don’t appreciate being lied to Clarke,” Lexa said pacing with her hands behind her back.</p><p>Fuck did Lexa figure out who she was. Who her parents were. Was she going to kick her out, her mind was racing with possibilities.</p><p>“Costia wanted to go out and meet up with some of her friends, so I dropped them off. I didn’t want you to have to eat whatever crap they serve at that bar so I brought you some leftovers. Imagine my surprise when the barkeep told me you weren’t working tonight.”</p><p>“Lexa I--” Clarke started to speak but Lexa cut her off with a raise of her hand.</p><p>“I don’t need to know where you are, but I don’t like being lied to. Costia does it enough, and so do my parents. I don’t want to add you to that list as well.”</p><p>“Well in the spirit of full disclosure I don’t feel comfortable around Costia. So I lied so I wouldn’t have to spend time with you and her.”</p><p>“Did she say something to make you feel uncomfortable?”</p><p>“Ha. What didn’t she say…. Well she hasn’t threatened my life, but her eyes say otherwise. What the fuck do you even see in her Lexa? She is awful.”</p><p>Clarke watched as Lexa’s face fell and then she put it back together. “I think it’s just that we have been together for years. Our parents are friends and know that we are together. Even though she broke up with me before she left last time. To be honest I don’t know why she is back. I mean she came to watch my game and well we had some fun, but for the most part she has gone out with friends. Even at the homecoming party she just took some selfies with me and then hung out with other people the entire night. I am sorry she is treating you so poorly. I’ll talk to her.”</p><p>“Lexa please don’t say anything to her. I don’t want to get between the two of you, which is why I haven’t been here.”</p><p>“I don’t like that though Clarke. I like you here.”</p><p>“Lexa can you please just tell me why you let her stay here and treat you like crap? You cook her dinner, let her stay here, drive her around. Why do you let her take such advantage of your kindness?”</p><p>“Because no one will ever love me,” Lexa cried out. The sudden burst startled Clarke and she wanted to take Lexa into her arms and tell her it just wasn’t true. She was a great person, and love would find her. </p><p>“Lexa that’s not true.”</p><p>“No it is. No one can ever love me. I’m too different.”</p><p>“You’re going to have to explain this to me because I have known you for about a week and I love you already. I think you're great, and can certainly find someone who treats you with respect and loves you for you.”</p><p>“I….” Lexa sighed running her hand through her hair. It seemed like she was finally about to open up to her but instead she asked if she wanted to watch a movie. How could she say no to her when she looked so sad and vulnerable. </p><p>“Fine, but I am having popcorn, and you can snack on carrot sticks or whatever it is you healthy people eat.”</p><p>“I think I’ll have some popcorn as well,” Lexa said with a smile before moving into the living room to set up a movie.</p><p>Clarke never fell asleep until after 2 am, but she never made it back up to her bedroom. Instead when she woke up it was because of a body shifting underneath of her. Her body jolted awake and she quickly turned to see Lexa stretching herself out. She knew she must have only got 5 hours of sleep but it was the best sleep of her life.</p><p>“Sorry,” Lexa said.</p><p>“I should be the one who is sorry. It seems I used you as my own personal pillow. Breakfast to make up for it?” Clarke asked.</p><p>“Sure I will be in there in a minute,” Lexa said, re-adjusting the pillows.</p><p>Clarke was busying herself in the kitchen when the front door opened up. Costia just happened to walk in when Lexa did and the silence was palpable. “Lexa I left something in your car last night, can you be a doll and grab it? I don’t think my feet can stand to be in these heels a minute longer. Last night the girls and I danced up a storm,” Costia said plastering a smile on her face.</p><p>She turned back to the stove to flip over the egg white omelet she was making for Lexa when she felt someone beside her. “I will be right back okay. Don’t let her scare you,” Lexa whispered into her ear and squeezed her side before exiting the house to go to her car. The touch was far too intimate especially with Costia around but it was comforting. </p><p>“You can never tell her that you love her. She will never believe you. Even if you did she could never be with you. She would never let herself open up to another. Lexa is different Clarke. So different that she would rather stay with me, than try to be happy with someone else. So really if you love her like I think you do you can’t tell her. You don’t know what the fallout will be but I do. You will never have her, she will never love you. Keep yourself away from Lexa, or you will both end up getting hurt,” Costia warned her.</p><p>Costia had been such a bitch to her. Even with everything she said Clarke still hated her, but another part was scared. Costia didn’t seem like that good an actress. There was something in the way that she warned her that they would both get hurt that Clarke believed. She also really didn’t want to hurt Lexa. She couldn’t leave though. Not now. She promised Lexa that she wouldn’t run away, so she had to be strong and wait out hurricane Costia. </p><p>After breakfast she headed up to her room and started to pour her emotions into her journal but they started to sound more like lyrics to a song. She started to hum a melody trying to find the right tune to fit the words she was pouring out. After about 30 minutes of scratching things out and changing some words around she had it. Her second song. One that would be played just for her. One that she could play to remind herself to keep her love quiet, but also a way to voice how she felt at the same time. </p><p>I'm tugging at my hair<br/>I'm pulling at my clothes<br/>I'm trying to keep my cool<br/>I know it shows<br/>I'm staring at my feet<br/>My cheeks are turning red<br/>I'm searching for the words inside my head<br/>'Cause I'm feeling nervous<br/>Trying to be so perfect<br/>'Cause I know you're worth it<br/>You're worth it<br/>Yeah<br/>If I could say what I want to say<br/>I'd say I want to blow you, away<br/>Be with you every night<br/>Am I squeezing you too tight<br/>If I could say what I want to see<br/>I want to see you go down<br/>On one knee<br/>Marry me today<br/>Guess, I'm wishing my life away<br/>With these things I'll never say<br/>It don't do me any good<br/>It's just a waste of time<br/>What use is it to you<br/>What's on my mind<br/>If ain't coming out<br/>We're not going anywhere<br/>So why can't I just tell you that I care<br/>'Cause I'm feeling nervous<br/>Trying to be so perfect<br/>'Cause I know you're worth it<br/>You're worth it<br/>Yeah<br/>If I could say what I want to say<br/>I'd say I want to blow you, away<br/>Be with you every night<br/>Am I squeezing you too tight<br/>If I could say what I want to see<br/>I want to see you go down<br/>On one knee<br/>Marry me today<br/>Guess, I'm wishing my life away<br/>With these things I'll never say<br/>What's wrong with my tongue<br/>These words keep slipping away<br/>I stutter, I stumble<br/>Like I've got nothing to say<br/>'Cause I'm feeling nervous<br/>Trying to be so perfect<br/>'Cause I know you're worth it<br/>You're worth it<br/>Yeah<br/>Guess I'm wishing my life away<br/>With these things I'll never say<br/>If I could say what I want to say<br/>I'd say I want to blow you, away<br/>Be with you every night<br/>Am I squeezing you too tight<br/>If I could say what I want to see<br/>I want to see you go down<br/>On one knee<br/>Marry me today<br/>Guess I'm wishing my life away<br/>With these things I'll never say<br/>These things I'll never say</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you guys for all your comments and kudos. I really like hearing from you :)</p><p>Next chapter is when Raven is introduced, and the song will be one from Adele...</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Clarke meets Raven</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Adele - Send my love(To your new lover)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 4 - Adele send my love to your new lover</p><p>Clarke was getting ready to meet Octavia’s friend Raven at the bar before her shift started at the dropship. Tomorrow she was going on a date with Finn and so far this week it was the one thing she was looking forward to. He was attractive enough and hopefully he would make her forget about Lexa for a minute. Between classes, work, sketching, and writing music again she was pretty busy, but Lexa still found a way to weasel into her thoughts. </p><p>“Clarke are you home?” Lexa called out.</p><p>“Just in my room,” she called finishing up her makeup. </p><p>“You look really good,” Lexa said pausing in the doorway. </p><p>“Well I better. I have to work tonight and rent doesn’t pay itself,” Clarke winked at Lexa. </p><p>“Still going out with Finn tomorrow?” Lexa asked.</p><p>“How do you know about that?”</p><p>“I have a class with that douche. Couldn’t stop bragging about this hot blonde chick with a big rack with the name of….” Lexa paused for dramatic effect and Clarke realized it was her. “Why are you going out with him Clarke. The guy is a pig. He would probably even fuck one if you put a skirt on it.”</p><p>“He seemed nice okay, and I don’t think you are in a position to judge me considering you are dating the biggest bitch in the world.” Clarke snapped.</p><p>“Clarke. I’m sorry. I’m just trying to protect you. I don’t want to see you get hurt,” Lexa said as Clarke stormed past her. She needed to get out of this house before she mistook Lexa’s caring for her as a friend as something more. Something that she so desperately wanted that she wished that she could make the other girl see. “Clarke. Just. Please. Don’t go out with him.”</p><p>“Lexa I will say this one last time if you want to be friends. You need to stop telling me what to do. I don’t need your protection nor do I want it,” Clarke said slamming the door behind her.</p><p>In a few minutes she was at the dropship sitting with Octavia in a booth as they waited for Raven to show up. “Hey bitches. Sorry I’m late,” Raven said sliding into the booth. </p><p>“Please tell me you weren’t with that guy,” Octavia said rolling her eyes. </p><p>“You mean my fiance,” Raven said, holding out her hand to show off a ring.</p><p>“Raven this is Clarke. The girl I was telling you about,” Octavia said before taking a sip of her drink. To Clarke it was obvious that Octavia hated Raven’s boyfriend. From what she heard about him he sounded like a tool. </p><p>“Girl with the pipes who can write songs,” Raven said.</p><p>“Clarke,” she said, sticking out her hand. </p><p>“Raven.”</p><p>“Congratulations.”</p><p>“Thanks, It took him long enough. Most of the time Finn has his head so far up his ass he barely remembers our anniversary.”</p><p>“Did you say Finn? Do you have a picture?” Clarke asked.</p><p>Sure enough Raven scrolled through her camera roll and there he was. Her Wednesday distraction was no more and she was back to the drawing board. She smacked her head a few times against the table before collapsing on it and crying. “Clarke. What’s wrong?” Octavia asked.</p><p>“You know how I told you about the date I have with this guy on wednesday?”</p><p>“Ohhh hot date. Tell me more,” Raven said, folding her hands together with the light in the room reflecting off of her ring which only made what she had to say worse. </p><p>“It’s with Finn. Well it was going to be with Finn.”</p><p>“Seriously,” the both shout at the same time drawing attention to themselves.</p><p>“Seriously. Is this his number?” Clarke asked, pulling out her phone and showing Raven his contact info. </p><p>“What a lying piece of shit,” Raven yelled, slamming her fists down on the table. “Sorry,” she said after she noticed everyone was now looking at the table. “Everything is fine. I got engaged.” Everyone started to cheer. Once it died down she added on the last part. “I just found out he is cheating on me.”</p><p>The crowd died down again to a point where you could hear crickets out behind the dumpster in the back. “Everyone gets a shot on the house,” Bellamy yelled, breaking the silence. Clarke decided now was as good of a time as any to let Raven and Octavia talk so she got to work. She helped Bellamy pour the shots and she delivered them out to everyone that was there. Since it wasn’t open mic night the bar wasn’t very crowded but it was busy enough she still had to squeeze by a few people. </p><p>After a few hours more people started to leave than come in and Octavia and Raven were good and drunk sitting at the bar. “So Clarke got any plans tomorrow yet?” Raven asked. </p><p>“Besides trying to forget that people are assholes and pinning the one person I can’t have because they are dating a psycho?”</p><p>“Hey I’m not a psycho,” Raven slurred pointing her straw at her. </p><p>“Not you Raven, Costia. Clarke wouldn’t do you like that.”</p><p>“You already know me so well,” Clarke said smiling sweetly at the younger Blake. </p><p>“So what should we all do tomorrow?” Octavia asked. </p><p>“Besides murder Finn?” Raven asked. </p><p>“Murder isn’t on the table.” Octavia stated flatly. </p><p>“Are you on the table?” Raven asked, trying to lift her eyebrows suggestively. </p><p>“She isn’t. She is in love with her roommate who is dating a crazy woman.”</p><p>“I meant you O.”</p><p>“I don’t want to sleep with a person my brother has. I draw the line at kissing, and even then you don’t have a cock so I would really be into it.”</p><p>“Ouch.” Raven said. </p><p>“Want to help me write a song?” Clarke asked the girls after the bar was closed. She had an early morning class tomorrow and she didn’t plan on sleeping. </p><p>“I’m in.” Octavia said.</p><p>“I got nothing better to do,” Raven said after gulping down her water she put her on an hour before shaking her empty glass at her. Clarke was really starting to enjoy Raven’s company and she hoped this song would cheer her up. </p><p>It was close to 8am when they had everything down and she rushed to get to her class. When she finally got out of class Lexa was there waiting for her and she smiled when she saw her. That smile soon faded when Lexa’s expression changed as well. “You didn’t come home last night. I was worried,” Lexa said, handing her a coffee.</p><p>“Thanks. I needed this. I ended up hanging out with some friends after work.”</p><p>“Please tell me you're not going out with Finn tonight.”</p><p>“I am. His fiance and I had a nice chat last night.”</p><p>“Clarke! This is exactly why you shouldn’t go out with him.”</p><p>“I don’t think many people will go out with him after tonight.”</p><p>“What are you doing?” Lexa asked.</p><p>Clarke felt good about what was going to happen. Finn deserved this, and since Lexa hated him there was no harm inviting her. “Come to the Dropship tonight and find out for yourself. Party starts at 6,” Clarke said before walking into her next class. She turned around to see Lexa look utterly confused and she loved that look. She loved that Lexa cared enough about her to check and see if she made it to her classes. She also would enjoy hearing about what Lexa thought of her first date with Finn. </p><p>When she met up with Finn later she tried not to smile thinking about what was going to happen. Finn was a fool and most likely thought her smile was reserved for him. Well it sort of was. At 7 pm on the dot she dragged him into the Dropship. She could hear Octavia on the mic as she led Finn towards the bar.</p><p>“Ladies and gentlemen. Thank you for joining us tonight, we have a special show in store for you,” she heard Octavia say and she caught her eye. </p><p>“Hey Finn. I have to use the ladies room. Why don’t you order something for us?” Clarke said before taking off. She didn’t even bother to wait for his reply as she made her way back stage.</p><p>“Took you long enough,” Raven said.</p><p>“Oooh perfect timing. He took the bait!!!” Octavia said peering behind the curtain. </p><p>“The bait?” She asked.</p><p>“Just something Raven and I worked out while you were in class. Come on. Let’s do this.” Octavia said, grabbing their hands. </p><p>“You ready?” Clarke asked Raven. This would be more emotional for her than it would be for anything else.</p><p>When Raven nodded she looked at Bellamy and nodded. Soon the stage's light was aimed at Finn who was talking to some girl at the bar. She saw Lexa in the crowd and winked at her. She hoped that this was better than her beating the shit out of him. This was a different kind of beating entirely. Everyone was looking at him now and he seemed to be feeling slightly uneasy. </p><p>“Thank you all for coming here tonight. We wrote this song last night and it is dedicated to my date of the evening. His fiance is credited with writing most of the lyrics. Personally I would have been a bit more harsh but here it is,” Clarke said and she started to play the guitar while Raven was on the keyboard with Octavia on drums. </p><p>This was all you, none of it me<br/>You put your hands all over my body and told me, umm<br/>You told me you were ready<br/>For the big one, for the big jump<br/>I'd be your last love everlasting you and me<br/>That was what you told me<br/>I'm giving you up<br/>I've forgiven it all<br/>You set me free, oh<br/>Send my love to your new lover<br/>Treat her better<br/>We've gotta let go of all of our ghosts<br/>We both know we ain't kids no more<br/>Send my love to your new lover<br/>Treat her better<br/>We've gotta let go of all of our ghosts<br/>We both know we ain't kids no more<br/>I was too strong you were trembling<br/>You couldn't handle the hot heat rising (rising), umm<br/>Baby I'm so rising<br/>I was running, you were walking<br/>You couldn't keep up, you were falling down (down), umm<br/>There's only one way down<br/>I'm giving you up<br/>I've forgiven it all<br/>You set me free, oh<br/>Send my love to your new lover<br/>Treat her better<br/>We gotta let go of all of our ghosts<br/>We've both know we ain't kids no more<br/>Send my love to your new lover<br/>Treat her better<br/>We've gotta let go of all of our ghosts<br/>We both know we ain't kids no more<br/>If you're ready, if you're ready<br/>If you're ready, I am ready<br/>If you're ready, if you're ready<br/>We both know we ain't kids no more<br/>No, we ain't kids no more<br/>I'm giving you up<br/>I've forgiven it all<br/>You set me free<br/>Send my love to your new lover<br/>Treat her better<br/>We've gotta let go of all of our ghosts<br/>We both know we ain't kids no more<br/>Send my love to your new lover<br/>Treat her better<br/>We've gotta let go of all of our ghosts<br/>We both know we ain't kids no more<br/>If you're ready, if you're ready (Send my love to your new lover)<br/>If you're ready, are you ready? (Treat her better)<br/>We've gotta let go of all of our ghosts<br/>We both know we ain't kids no more<br/>If you're ready, if you're ready (Send my love to your new lover)<br/>If you're ready, are you ready? (Treat her better)<br/>We've gotta let go of all of our ghosts<br/>We both know we ain't kids no more</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This work will have very infrequent updates.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Costia returns, and Clarke learns that something happened between them in the past Costia doesn't want people to know about.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The song is Dreams by the Cranberries</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 5</p><p>It had been a couple weeks since what her and her friends have now dubbed the Finn incident. Clarke had been doing well in her classes and she had finally made some friends to spend more time with outside of work. All they did was jam when Raven came down to visit and she was never disappointed in what they came up with. It was always fun, and most importantly it was them.</p><p>Her lyrics and the lyrics they came up with felt like reflections to their soul, and hers was clearly calling out for Lexa… Octavia and Raven had teased her about her little crush, but they let her be. They both wanted her in her creative element and the more time she spent thinking of Lexa, the more she got lost in words she wanted to say to her, and the things she wanted to do to her. Lexa was all encompassing and Clarke was lost in her orbit. </p><p>As much as Lexa tried to seem like a straight up Alpha jock, she was kind and caring. She didn’t party much with her other teammates and she studied about just as hard as she did. The times she enjoyed the most with Lexa was when they made dinner together, and then worked on their homework at the kitchen table. </p><p>Clarke wasn’t sure but she thought that Lexa loved the stability of it just as much as her, because when she had to take a shift one night Lexa was grouchy, and then distant the next day. She didn’t like leaving the brunette but she needed to pay rent. Whatever was going to happen or not happen between them, she wanted to support herself first. </p><p>Her phone buzzing on her nightstand woke her up earlier than she would have liked but she smiled when she saw who the message was from. </p><p>Lexa to Clarke: Hey Clarke I was in a rush to get to the gym this morning. Do you think you could grab my books from the counter and bring them into the library for me when you come in? I am a little busy.</p><p>Clarke to Lexa: No problem. I will pack you some lunch to. I know how you athletes have to eat and I won’t subject you to cafeteria food.</p><p>Lexa to Clarke: You are the best roommate ever. I don’t know what I would do without you. </p><p>Clarke got dressed and ready to go and was soon out the door with Lexa’s books and some lunch for the two of them. Hopefully they could have a moment to eat together, and talk about winter break. She wasn’t planning on going home, and she didn’t want to intrude on any holiday plans or traditions that Lexa might have. She already planned to spend Christmas with the Blakes and Raven, she just wasn’t sure when to give Lexa her gift. </p><p>When she found Lexa in the library she wasn’t alone, and she loathed the woman hanging off of her arm.</p><p>“Costia I didn’t expect to see you here,” Clarke said trying to hide her disgust. Once again the red head was hanging off of the brunette.</p><p>“Well I came back because Lexi and I have to have to get together for Christmas with our families.”</p><p>“I’ll explain it to you when I get home,” Lexa said.</p><p>Clarke pulled herself together before looking over at the both of them. “I’ll see you later,” She said with no intent of wanting to see either of them if she could help it. Well now she didn’t have to ask Lexa later what her plans were for the holidays. It seemed that Lexa and Costia would never be rid of one another.</p><p>The rest of the day went by in a blur. She got 90% on her assignment that professor Shumway finally got around to grading. She passed the 2 exams that she already took and just had 2 more to go after handing in another assignment. </p><p>Lexa never strayed too far from her mind, and when she returned home she saw the two of them in the doorway with Lexa wrestling Costia’s things down the stairs. “I told you you can’t stay here.”</p><p>“Lexa you can’t just throw me out. What will our parents think?” Costia chided.</p><p>Clarke had never seen Lexa so furious in her whole life. “You are not staying here. That’s final. I will book you a room at Polaris, and you will stay there until we have to leave. If you don’t I will tell them about what happened in our senior year,” Lexa spat back, throwing Costia’s luggage into the boot of her car.</p><p>“You wouldn’t dare,” Costia snapped. </p><p>“I am past the point of caring anymore Cos. Just leave me alone,” Lexa said in the most defeated voice that Clarke had ever heard. </p><p>“Hey,” she said, snapping them out of the lovers' spat they were having in the front yard. </p><p>Lexa looked up and a faint smile seemed to reach her frown before Costia cut her off. “You are seriously replacing me with her,” Costia scoffed.</p><p>Clarke just ran into the house, she didn’t want to deal with what was happening. As much as she wanted to help Lexa she had shit to sort out, and she didn’t want to be involved. She could hear the brunette telling her that they were just roommates before the doors to her car slammed shut and the engine roared. </p><p>She packed up for work early. She didn’t want to be here when Lexa got back, and she needed to get something’s off her chest the only way she knew how.  With her guitar packed up she grabbed her notebook and headed to The Dropship. Octavia was already working but she told her to use her bedroom upstairs and she gladly put it to use. </p><p>Clarke already had a lot of the lyrics written out as they came to her today and she realized what exactly being with Lexa would be like… It would be nothing more than a dream and she needed to live in reality, but some fantasy never killed. So she poured her heart out onto the sheets and strummed along to the beat. </p><p>Oh, my life<br/>Is changing everyday<br/>In every possible way</p><p>And oh, my dreams<br/>It's never quite as it seems<br/>Never quite as it seems</p><p>I know I felt like this before<br/>But now I'm feeling it even more<br/>Because it came from you</p><p>Then I open up and see<br/>The person falling here is me<br/>A different way to be</p><p>Aaah, la-a-la-aaah<br/>La la laaaa<br/>La-a-la-aah<br/>La-ah ah aaah</p><p>I want more<br/>Impossible to ignore<br/>Impossible to ignore</p><p>And they'll come true<br/>Impossible not to do<br/>Impossible not to do</p><p>And now I tell you openly<br/>You have my heart so don't hurt me<br/>You're what I couldn't find</p><p>A totally amazing mind<br/>So understanding and so kind<br/>You're everything to me</p><p>Oh, my life<br/>Is changing everyday<br/>In every possible way</p><p>And oh, my dreams<br/>It's never quite as it seems<br/>'Cause you're a dream to me<br/>Dream to me</p><p> </p><p>"You know you should make a go at this," Bellamy said from the doorway once, she had finished. She was startled but Bellamy was like a supportive older brother she never knew she needed. </p><p>"I seriously doubt that Bell. Beside's it's for fun."</p><p>"Well I am not taking no for an answer. I have a friend coming down. Nathan Miller, he is a producer in the music industry, and I told him about you. If he likes what he hears he wants to record some demo's. All you have to do is say yes." Bellamy looked at her with big brown eyes, and she nearly melted at his teddy bear smile. </p><p>"Fine but if they want me, they want O and Raven as well," that was her only stipulation. If she was ever going to make it she would need her friends by her side.</p><p>"It's the holiday season Clarke. It's a magical time, and I have a feeling next year is going to be your year," he smiled once more before slowly walking away from the door and leaving her to her work.</p><p>He was right. Next year would be a whole other year and a lot could happen. At this point she didn't think anything worse could happen in her life.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you enjoyed it.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>After this chapter Clarke will 'write' her own music that will fit to each chapter. Most chapters will be from Clarke's point of view, on occasion some will be from Lexa's. This will be done in 2 parts, and I am totally open to song suggestions.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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